"Jim Spanfeller" (awesomeaustinv)
09/11/2020 at 21:43 • Filed to: Crabs, Hummer
3
10|
"Jim Spanfeller" (awesomeaustinv)
09/11/2020 at 21:43 • Filed to: Crabs, Hummer | 3
| 10 |
Photo: crabby
Clearly, GM is leaning hard into a crab theme for the new Hummer.
Photo: crabby
I find this fascinating, as it brought to light why I’ve had such strange feelings about the Hummer. Obviously, it was styled to look like a crab from the very beginning and I only noticed subliminally, thereby confusing my opinions on crabs with my opinions of the Hummer. Looking at it now, the resemblance is uncanny:
Photo: crabby
Photo: crabby
With my complex Hummer/crab emotions now dealt with, I can think about what sort of crab themes could be invol ved with the new Hummer, specifically its so-called “C rab M ode”. I have some theories on what happens when this is activated:
1. T wo giant, robotic pinchy-pinchies will deploy, allowing you to manipulate the environment around you from the comfort of your truck . I’m thinking something along the lines of “Boston Dynamics meets Jaws of Life” here. One will be smaller than the other so you can select the right tool for various purposes. For example, if you’re parked behind a gas/diesel-guzzling F150 with a Calvin-peeing-on-the-GMC -logo bumper sticker, you can deploy the little claw and snip that portion of bodywork off. Or if you’re on a camping trip and need firewood, the big claw allows you to easily cut down trees. Imagine the possibilities!
2. T he Hummer holds out two stinging anemon es for protection, like the Boxer Crab.
3. After a two-week pregnancy, the Hummer will lay between 1,000 and 2,000 eggs.
4. Th e Hummer communicates with other Hummers by flapping its pinchy-pinchies or drumming its claws.
5. While the Hummer, like crabs, can move both forward and backward, top speed can only be achieved when traveling sideways... Via Crab Mode.
6. The Hummer will eat bits of dead plants, animals, algae, worms, detritus, or other crustaceans.
7. Crab Rave.
8 . The Hummer is equipped with teeth in its stomach which grind against one another when the stomach contracts to grind up food.
9 . The Hummer cannot be considered a true crab unless it has 10 legs (yes, the claws are considered legs), so Crab Mode deploys extra wheels to satisfy your marine biologist friends.
10. Butter.
So w hat are your thoughts on this new crabby car?
boredalways
> Jim Spanfeller
09/11/2020 at 21:48 |
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Hummer wishes it was this cool
For Sweden
> Jim Spanfeller
09/11/2020 at 21:55 |
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This is not kosher
subexpression
> Jim Spanfeller
09/11/2020 at 22:01 |
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A h ard shell? Maybe one that tends to change color in hot water.
ranwhenparked
> Jim Spanfeller
09/11/2020 at 22:03 |
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11. It shifts the rear axle out of alignment from the front, so the truck can move sideways
BaconSandwich is tasty.
> Jim Spanfeller
09/11/2020 at 22:42 |
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11. They've made it as easy as possible to catch crabs in the back?
Who is the Leader - 404 / Blog No Longer Available
> Jim Spanfeller
09/12/2020 at 10:05 |
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11. Makes an easy target for kids on the beach at night with flashlights. Beware of where you park it.
kanadanmajava1
> Jim Spanfeller
09/12/2020 at 16:07 |
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In Finnish, Swedish, German etc hummer is easily associated with another crustacean , lobster. In Finnish it’s hum me ri as we like to extend words with vowels . T he others use hummer instead . Here’s a colorful hummer set .
Stef Schrader
> Jim Spanfeller
09/14/2020 at 06:23 |
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I always associated these SUVs with the other kind of crabs, TBH. (
The non-delicious kind.)
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Jim Spanfeller
> Stef Schrader
09/14/2020 at 10:56 |
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The cute kind!
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Stef Schrader
> Jim Spanfeller
09/14/2020 at 13:39 |
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Hahahaha.
(The crabs in question are not the cute kind.
)